If you are a single parent you might worry about bringing up a healthy and a happy child without guilt. No matter what anyone tells you trust me if you set clear boundaries, provide them with an emotionally strong base and are conscious enough to read such blogs as mine, you are already half the way with a good job.
Research says that how much ever the old system would like you to feel that two parent families were better, children raised by single parents are just as happy as other children. It also shows that on an average one child needs one loving adult role model. Hence stop stressing and torturing yourself with those dark thoughts of being a bad mother or a father.
KINGSIZE MOMENTS : Whether you’re a single or partnered, it’s all about spending time with the child. Time and pure time will be the key factor in making your child happier and mentally healthier. And, yes this can be as simple as just one kiss on the forehead, having fun in the living room, reading together, watching movies together, chatting and doing things together. You can have those quality selfies, chit-chats anywhere. Make the best of the everyday moment, your kingsize moment of the day. You can even go ahead and make a journal of your kingsize moments of the day.
PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE, REPEAT : Three rules of bringing up a confident child is praise, repeatedly. Do not and I insist, do not miss any moment where you can appreciate the child for anything that he or she has accomplished or even not been able to accomplish. Appreciate the effort. Remember the child is coping up with lot of things too. You might want to tell him how proud you re of the little things her she has done.
ACKNOWLEDGE FEELINGS: Teach them to accept their own feelings and learn to put anger or resentment in words rather than letting it pile on or showing in actions. These stressful feelings can bring forward challenging behavior that might not be socially acceptable. First and foremost acknowledge your own and try teaching by example.
SAY SORRY YOURSELF: One thing I have learnt as a mother is that children also expect adults to be sorry. At times when I have screamed on my girl, I noticed she was hurt. I also knew I overreacted. Those were the times I went and apologized. Just because they are tiny don’t think they would let you get away with nasty things. As an adult some times you might take your frustrations out at the wrong place. If you feel it, never shy away from saying sorry. The little ones are far more forgiving that you think. At the same time they are the grudge keeping experts as well that could hinder their growth unless you don’t care. Don’t give them a chance to keep grudges, rather turn them into adults who can admit and stand up to their goof ups.
INTEGRITY: Now am not asking you to speak out your heart’s verbatim but try be as close to your honest feelings as possible. Why did you separate? what happened? what’s the love equation between you and the other parent? Do you do drugs? Do you approve dating? Do you feel okay if they date same sex? There would be loads of such questions. All I am saying is talk and speak what you really believe in. Be as close as possible to your humane side with them. They understand if logically explained.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS: If the other parent is safe and provides for their safety please let them exist and you co exist. No-one and no-one on this planet earth can ever replace YOU in your child’s life. So just let the child enjoy other equations and don’t be selfish. Let things be.
Parenting is like home decor. As long as the basics are in place you can decorate the home as per your choice. It’s your child, you have to follow your heart since you are the one raising another piece of the same.
Author – Kavita Kabira